Playing With Fire
by blackandivorykeys
Summary: One-night stands are the diving line between affection and lust. For Bella and Edward, one ended the love that was supposed to last forever… AH/ AU. Collaboration with Oxygen.and.Cucumber.
1. Prologue

**BIK: Collaboration with the amazing, cookie-loving **_Oxygen .and. Cucmber_**. She is pure genius.**

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**Playing With Fire**

**Prologue**

He was late. Thirty-two minutes late.

He promised me that we would spend time together. And he was late.

The candles on the table had already burnt out, and the food was now stone in the oven.

Our relationship was… unique. Between kisses, it was a mixture of pure love, affection, misunderstandings, fights, and distance. Then, it seemed to heal as all wounds would with time. Yet wounds could be reopened, as had the arguments.

It was barely a few months ago when he'd received an offer for medical school, and back then I couldn't have been more proud for him. It was what he wanted, and the smile on his face when he came home lightened the world.

That happiness didn't last long.

He'd start returning home later and later, until the time we had together was practically non-existent. It also didn't help that he studied on weekends now.

I loved him. I truly did.

But I loved the man before medical school more.

The man that wasn't afraid to kiss me in front of a crowd, or take me out to restaurants in the evenings because he had the time. That was the man who truly understood love, didn't buy me things to take me out, and did give a damn about what people said about me.

I missed him so damn much.

My eyes flickered towards the clock, the anger rising inside of me again as I sighed in frustration, yanking the curtains shut. I didn't realise I'd been staring out onto the street for him. Angry tears burned in my eyes.

It wasn't the first time he'd been late home, but it _was_ the first time he had been late after specifically after we had agreed to dinner. Eat. Talk.

I couldn't help but wonder.

_Where was he?_

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**Black Oxygen Notes**

**OAC-** I won the coin toss, and therefore get the first line in the BlackOxygen Notes! Haha, I feel so special. Or maybe not, considering I've now run out of things to say. I need blackandivorykeys here, and then she'll give me something to argue about with her.

**BIK:** I'm here now! Have you been talking about me?

**OAC-** I have no reply.

**BIK:** You just replied... so anyways! Are you guys enjoying the prologue? And our notes which are soon becoming longer than the prologue?

**OAC-** You're right! Then maybe SOMEONE should stop talking. Let the reviewers talk. Review?

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**Reviews = Cookies**


	2. Dust Storms

**Dust Storm**

**Bella's POV**

My fingers froze against the counter top as I heard the crunch of wet gravel under the tires of a car outside. A door slammed, a beep sounded, the car now locked.

As I rushed to the window, I could see the shadow of a figure, stumbling towards the house as they shielded their face from the rain.

Edward.

I heard the familiar key click into the lock, and the clumsy rattling of the door opening, and I dropped the curtain from my fingers, striding towards the front door.

The wind from outside swept the rain inside before he slammed the door shut, the lock snapping closed.

"Where've you been?" I seethed as he stumbled through the door, rubbing his eyes tiredly with the back of his hand.

"Out."

"Did you forget?"

His eyes scanned over the neatly laid table, set for two. A single white candle was on the middle, now with the starts of wax dripping down the sides. His eyes accessed the scenery before finally turning back to me. I raised an eyebrow, my chin jerking up definitely as he stared back blankly.

"I'm sorry?"

"You're _sorry_?" I questioned coldly, my hands slipping to rest on my tense hips, just like the rest of my body.

He shrugged carelessly, tossing his shoulder bag into the corner as he turned away from me, draping his black leather jacket over the arm of a wooden chair. His blank demeanour only fuelled my anger.

"I forgot Bella. I had a late night at the library."

"And that's supposed to explain things, is it?"

"Look, I'm sorry, and-"

"No, you look," I marched up towards him, roughly grabbing his shoulders, as I allowed my nails to dig into. I spun him around, forcing him to look at me. "We had this night to talk, to have dinner, to sit and be like a normal couple!" He flinched away from my expression, dropping his eyes to the floor, ashamed.

"All I asked was for you to take one night off." I raised my hand slowly to his cheek, and he winced as my fingers touched his skin. It was as though I was penetrating him. "Edward?"

"I'm sorry Bella," he whispered quietly, guilt burning behind his words. "I lost track of time, and I had this crazy amount of research to do, and-"

"I get it." I nodded once, my hand falling away from his face in defeat as I turned into the kitchen, my bare feet quiet against the tiles, slipping away invisibly.

"Bella, can we just talk about this?"

"Why?" I stated, refusing to believe his words, no matter how heartfelt they seemed. It was useless to get my hopes up; they were repeatedly crushed. The words were only a repeat of the last few weeks of our relationship. "You didn't want to talk earlier," I continued.

"I got caught up, I told you."

"With what?" I spat, spinning around to glare at him.

He stared, wide eyed at me, no longer breathing, and in those few short moments of silence, doubt started rising up inside me. _He was hiding something from me._

"Research."

_Liar._

I turned away from him, facing the marble counter as I picked up a used cloth, scrubbing away at the dirty dish that I'd used to prepare our dinner. It was the vestige of what was supposed to have been a romantic evening.

This wasn't my Edward. In the morning, we would have forgotten this fight, and the love in our relationship would return. The promise of a new day, and of the smile awaiting me in the morning, was all I had to hope on.

I heard his footsteps on the tiles of the kitchen floor, and his hands curled around my waist, pulling me gently against him.

"Bella," he whispered, nuzzling my neck softly as he pressed a gentle kiss against my chin, his lusciously smooth lips running along the base of my collar. "It won't happen again. I _promise_."

A shudder ran down my spine as I found myself subconsciously leaning into his touch, his hands now wrapped around my stomach, clutching me closer to him. This was the Edward I loved.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you."

He chuckled quietly, kissing my jaw tenderly again. "Your anger was actually quite endearing."

"Oh?" I questioned teasingly, folding my arms over his as our fingers entwined. We were on lighter terms again. "And why was that?"

Slowly, he turned me around in his arms, his hands now resting against my lower back as he grinned crookedly. His deep, emerald orbs sparkled with amusement, dancing and glittering in the dim light, and he kissed the corner of my lips, smiling against my mouth as he pulled me even closer, lips meeting mine.

"Edward," I gasped, dazed. I pushed him away slightly. "I'm supposed to be angry at you."

"Well, you're not very good at it," he stated, smirking as he ran a long, pale finger down my arm lightly, watching the goose bumps appear.

"We can't sort out our arguments this way."

"Why not?"

"Nothing ever gets solved!"

"Some things are best _unsolved_," he implied, spinning me around in his arms. My breath caught in the back of my throat.

"Are you working late tomorrow?"

"Probably."

"And the next night?"

"More than likely."

"See Edward!" I tore my hand out of his. If I stayed connected, my train of thought would have been broken as always. He tended to dazzle me when he tried avoiding subjects. "We can't pretend that this," I continued, gesturing to the space between us, "isn't happening."

"Bella, not tonight," he pleaded, pulling me closer again as his lips collided with mine before I could voice my thoughts. Just like his speeding, stubbornness, and masochism, some things never changed. Electricity burned throughout me as his lips captured mine.

"Edward," I whispered quietly, my fingers automatically reaching out to grab the collar of his shirt. "What research were you doing?"

"Nothing of importance."

"Wrong answer," I muttered bitterly, my fingers leaving his jacket as they moulded around his face, my thumb brushing slowly across his lips. It was impossible to be truly angry when he was this close to me.

"Wrong answer?"

"If it bore no real importance, why did you miss our dinner?"

He sighed quietly against my cheek, "Whatever I gained was useless. It leaves me even more confused than I was before."

"I think you just saved yourself."

He beamed back at me, scooping me up in his arms as the ground disappeared from beneath my feet. "I was hoping you would say that Miss Swan."

"I would appreciate it if you'd put me down… _Mr. Cullen_," I retorted, trying to ignore how the sides of his lips curled up into a smile at hearing his name said _that _way.

I couldn't help but agree with him though – _not tonight_. Despite the fact there were many obstacles in our relationship, what we truly felt for each other wasn't hard to find. Behind the arguments, and the daily quarrels between us, just one simple kiss had the power to ignite the fire and passion in our relationship.

"I'm tired from research," he mused, looking down at me in his arms. "Would you be so kind as to join me?"

"Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Why?" he raised an eyebrow suggestively towards me. "Are you seducible?"

"_Possibly_," I smirked as his lips came down hard on mine, still supporting me in his arms. He stumbled forward a few steps, my side hitting the wall gently as he let me down onto the floor, all the while his hands never leaving me.

"I can't believe I was doing research when I could have been home with you," he muttered bitterly, kissing gently down my neck as he reached the top of my sweater.

I put my hand under his chin, lifting his mouth to mine. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again?"

"I promise."

_Those were his famous last words._

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**Black Oxygen Notes**

BIK: I won the coin toss! Go heads!

OAC: Am I the only person that thinks that sounds wrong?

BIK: OAC *shakes head*, silly cookie, it's supposed to sound wrong. It's called an innuendo. You can ask Emmett if you don't know what that means!

OAC: Silly cookie? You want me to call you a spontaneous chocolate brownie from now on?

BIK: Nope! But I want cookies. Or reviews! Reviews equal cookies!

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**Reviews = Cookies**


	3. Tormenta

**BIK: I might secretly post an outtake without OAC knowing, if you want one. Shh! ;)**

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Tormenta

**Edward's POV**

My eyes snapped open unwillingly and mechanically. Ever since I was young, waking up exactly as I had programmed myself to do had been second nature. It would take extreme exhaustion for my mind's alarm to stop working.

Before checking the clock on my bedside table, I knew it was 6:55am. There was no chance of getting back to sleep now.

Despite the fact that I wouldn't classify myself as a morning person, I had to suffer the habit of waking up every morning, and ending the day tired and worn out. Perhaps that was what caused some of the arguments between Bella and I?

Whatever the answer, I was long past trying to figure out the source of them.

My body was comfortably warm underneath the covers, my arms still wrapped tightly around Bella's waist.

My Bella.

We had barely minutes together during the last months. I missed treating her like a Goddess, cherishing her, and letting her know she meant the word to me.

Quite frankly, we were in the boring stage of our once fertile relationship. And it was close to politics now… how plain, ordinary and conventional it was. We weren't the stereotypical high school sweethearts. We were utterly in love. We still were.

It was just simply becoming increasingly more difficult to notice.

If not for life being in the way, I would have spent every minute of my existence with her. But I couldn't. In the morning she slept whilst I had research to do, afternoons she had class, and evenings I had more research.

It all boiled down to time.

My arms were still entangled with Bella's body, wishing to stay in the peace of sleep and morning forever. However, of late I rarely got anything I wished for. Instead, I'm forced to accept the cold truth that other things in life take away the time I can spend, holding the woman I loved in my arms.

It wasn't long before heaven turned into my regular day, and full of habits. It had become a habit in my daily routine to take a minute and spend it with Bella. And so I did.

All too soon it was 6:56.

I took one last breath, revelling in the warmth and pleasure of holding Bella peacefully in our embrace. No fights. No arguments. Just us.

And then the time changed, the dynamics shifted, and it was time for studying at the library, doing the research, and the same tedious routine.

I slowly unwrapped my arms from Bella, pressing a lingering kiss against her forehead as I locked the memory of her sleeping unhindered by the stress I knew my work put on her.

Grabbing my clothes, I quickly changed into a green polo that Bella had bought for me as well as a pair of khakis; given as a present from my friend Alice. Despite being a guy, she believed _we _needed to properly accessorize. Her talent was terrorism, so I willingly opted to wear what she bought just to appease her.

I glanced towards the window, rain now falling heavily onto the streets of Seattle as the day started to rise. People were now filling the streets, the shutters on the shops slowly opening…

_Did they have to wake up and neglect their girlfriend? Did they temporarily forget about their girlfriend, and then remember, only to feel guilty again? Did they argue every night and have to avoid talking to prevent arguments? Did they ever find their soul mate… their true love?_

I didn't have any answers. I doubted anyone did.

Bella and I had always been unique, and despite everyone else complimenting our _strong _relationship, we fought too much, bickered and argued, and yet were still too stubborn to see our differences.

I could only hope that one day it would not be the make or break choice.

We were missing out on time just to be together.

Frankly, we weren't virgins, but we were each other's first. After graduation we finally decided to give ourselves to each other, and the next night I killed everyone's buzz – especially Emmett's – by turning into a cliché of sweet melodies, metaphors and love poems. But I couldn't help it.

I was floating.

Unlike Emmett and Rosalie who _showed _each other more of their love than felt it emotionally like Alice and Jasper, Bella and I had always been a _balance_.

I headed down the stairs to the kitchen, the silence being undermined by loneliness. I just wanted company from anyone in the world, even Emmett. I was sick of being lonely.

Breakfast was the same. I didn't even have to look at where the food was, or where my feet went. It was habit. Just like waking up to Bella every morning and going home exhausted. Habit.

I was too used to safety that I didn't bother taking risks with Bella anymore. We never experimented. We never did anything anymore…

I left my bowl soaking in the sink before hurrying back up the stairs, my footsteps deafened by the carpet, except for the second step, which I jumped as it squeaked loudly, and I didn't want to wake Bella up.

_Grab a jacket and go Edward. That's all you have to do._

I quickly took a jacket out of the closet, trying to walk back out the door as silently as possible. My eyes however betrayed me, and I couldn't help but look back at the angel, still miles away from me in sleep.

And just like in her sleep and how she drifted from me, she was drifting in the real world as well.

And it terrified me that someday, she may drift too far to come back.

---

I headed over to the Denali Library that had soon become my second home after moving to Seattle. I flashed a quick smile at the secretary; Kate Denali. She was a kind woman, and someone who respected my need for seclusion as I worked on my research.

Medical school seemed to take up the largest portion of my time, and despite the complex curriculum, they truly threw the oddest curve balls. All we were required to do was study the mind of people and learn how to deal with them during our practice. Psychology.

I had chosen to work with children, my curiousity fuelled by their innocence and love, whilst the tragedy filled the masochistic side of me. It was the perfect occupation, except for the schooling that came before it.

I found the first few books on child psychology, the subject seeming close enough to the medical practice I had been training for. Children did always need some mental pushing before they saw doctors. After all, nurses were the ones who were generally hated by the children; they had the hard job.

_Children need comfort and familiarity, even if they enjoy change. They also need__habit and order in their life. Without it, they would go to bed whenever they pleased and eat unbalanced meals. Habit and order are necessary._

_That's not to say that children should be in a life with a minute-tight schedule. Occasionally, breaking the habit with a reward is a positive thing, allowing for their minds to adapt to even more new situations…_

I quickly wrote down some notes, my mind whirring at how similar this seemed to what I had needed recently. Our relationship wasn't supposed to be a normal one. It was supposed to be the one breaking all the obstacles. Not the reverse.

I took another book from the shelf, stifling a yawn as I began to take even more notes. My mind was already exhausted and the clock had barely struck 9.00am.

_The human mind, while acting far too often on instinct before thinking clearly, can also cause anguish, guilt, pain, and torment towards themselves. _

I winced, skimming past the word _guilt_ as I closed the book, reaching for another set of papers on the pile that never seemed to end.

_Neglect is something that is commonly found between a child and an adult. Sometimes the adult can overlook the individual needs of the child, and instead treat them in a conventional, generalized manner. _

Every word seemed like an attack on our relationship, and I pushed the book away from me, reaching for the next, just waiting for the next sentence or paragraph which would point out the weaknesses and flaws of our love.

_Just like dealing with a loved one or with the family, you must open your heart up slightly. You must learn to look for every single need of the patient, such as the child, who has many needs they will not voice. But that does not mean they aren't there. Perhaps they want a hand to hold, or someone to be with them._

_Never overlook a need._

Emotionally drained from reading, I knew it was time for me to kick my feet up and take a day off. I sighed, knowing that I had only tackled a small portion of the work needed. There was still a huge pile of book sat in front of me.

I wondered briefly whether it was worth giving up the medical practice, throwing away all the hard work, and being happy with Bella just by living off my parent's money. But the thought of digging into my parents retirement funds, no matter how extravagant, filled me with even more guilt.

Someone tapped my shoulder suddenly, and my eyes snapped open to find a blonde woman staring down at me. Her gaze raked over my appearance, filling with sympathy. Perhaps my dark circles had been a dead giveaway to my exhaustion…

"Hey Tanya," I said quietly, my voice hoarse with sleep.

"Hey hot stuff. You up for grabbing some lunch?" She replied suggestively, her eyebrows arched up in question, her soft glossy lips smiling, distracting me as they moved... She had always been straightforward and teasing.

Tanya was a _lively_, animated and attractive character. There was no other way to describe her eagerness, the way her whole body would bounce up and down, the rest of her…

I quickly snapped out of my trance, recalling her question as I ignored her nickname, too exhausted to bother.

"Sure. It's not like I'm going to understand this research soon. I'm so hopeless, aren't I?" I asked, pouting to tease her, before realizing a moment too late that I was flirting. _Stop it Edward, you have Bella…_

"You're not hopeless at all Ed. On the contrary, you're smart, good-looking and sensitive. What more could you ask more? I know I'd grab a guy like that on the first opportunity I got." She smiled, crossing her legs. Her skirt had ridden up slightly, enough to hint at what was underneath.

_Fucking blue balls were making me want Tanya._

I wasn't a cheater. I never had been, and never planned on it. As long as I had reason, and wasn't pushed over the edge, I could think sanely. And thinking in a righteous state of mind included _Bella_.

I couldn't take it. I wanted her. I wanted anyone. _Now_. I would have even taken Victoria, the class slut; that was how desperate I was.

Loneliness had been my life for a few weeks too long. I wanted someone to share a sweet moment with, and not to worry about the tension, or the arguments. I just wanted something to fill the void in my life.

Lunch sounded distracting enough…

"Whatever you say," I chuckled nervously, brushing off her words. "How about that lunch?" I reminded her, motioning towards the door as she hopped down from the library tabletop, pulling down her skirt as she sauntered out after sending me a glance.

It was no big deal, just two people going together to lunch. It was simply a break from studying to eat with an acquaintance.

The guilt refused to subside though… and with reason.

---

Sleep had been one of the only things that had registered in my mind since around 4:00pm. The desperation for sleep was even more powerful than the rising guilt from the neglect towards Bella and everything else that had been happening.

The darkness was heavy outside, as were my limbs, and I tried to keep myself moving long enough until I planned on collapsing into bed.

I stumbled hazily onto the driveway, feeling unsteady on my feet. My eyelids had started drooping, and my body was close to shutting down all of its systems and dropping dead from a long day.

Fumbling with my keys, I tried a few times to unlock the door until I finally managed to open it and step inside. I shut the door on the rain and wind outside, slamming it closed and taking a deep breath, both physically and mentally.

Something was different in the lighting. Instead of the lamp in the hall we always had on, another light in the kitchen on and there were lit candles. I wondered why they would be out. I hadn't realized there was a holiday that I had forgotten…

_Guilt. Neglect. Love._

The words I had read so much about today at the library flooded my head once more, my mind starting to hurt from thinking.

Then, Bella suddenly appeared in the hallway, her beautiful figure covered in a dressier ensemble in comparison to her usual pyjama attire.

"Where've you been?" she asked, her voice pulling me out of my near unconscious state.

"Out," I mumbled, shifting my weight to stop myself from almost toppling over.

"Did you forget?" she seethed, lashing each word out bitterly. I could nearly taste something acerbic in my mouth as she snapped the words.

_Did you forget?_

I thought about my answer. _What had I forgotten?_ Bella was obviously pissed as hell. Bella never got pissed at me. Even when I had done the worst possible things possible, she had never been so mad at me. I wondered what I had done, yet the headache that had raged through my mind ever since the lunch I had made thinking increasingly difficult. My memory had disappeared somewhere.

"I'm sorry?" I tried, desperation not lacing in my tone. The remorse hadn't been inflicted into it either.

"You're sorry?" she questioned, her eyes as cold as stone. This didn't seem like my Bella anymore, but rather an ice statue gone wrong, unable to capture her essence.

I watched as her hands slid towards her hip, her body tense.

I looked around the room, surveying the surroundings. There were candles out, almost completely melted. The wax had started dripping, the smell in the room.

The table was set for once, unlike our usual eating in front of the TV on the couch routine. It had two places set, and it seemed to be the ideal romantic dinner out at the restaurant, except at home.

I tried apologizing again.

"Look Bella, I'm sorry. I had a late night at the library." It was the truth after all. It had been long and exhausting, confusing my mind more so than ever. Perhaps I could have pretended that I had an emergency and…

"And that's supposed to explain things, is it?"

I was in deep shit. I knew that much by the way she had talked.

"Look, I'm sorry and-" I started, hoping to grovel and make amends. We had been fighting too much for my liking.

"No, you look," she started, headed towards me. I fought my natural instinct to run and curl up in a corner, hidden from the world. Her hands, earlier that had rested on her hips, were now digging painfully into my shoulders. I tried not to cringe, knowing I deserved it.

_Guilt._

I was turned around as she forced my eyes, which had been darting from the ceiling to the floors, to look at her. The brown eyes I loved were so damn _sad_ and so _angered_. The combination itself made my heart clench. _It was my fault…_

"We had this one night to talk, to have dinner, to sit and be like a normal couple!" she lashed, breaking the silence. Her breathing was heavy, her expression murderous.

Flinching away, I darted my eyes down once more. _Guilt. Agony._

"All I wanted was for you to take one night off," she said, almost rejected, as her soft hand raised and touched my cheek gently. I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve her attention. I deserved to go to hell. That was all I deserved. "Edward?"

A lump entered my throat, blocking off my vocal passages. My body, once holding dreams of sleep, now dreamed of crying shamelessly at the guilt.

"I'm sorry Bella," I whispered softly, afraid of how my voice would crack and give away too much if it got any louder.. "I lost track of time, and I had this crazy amount of research to do, and-". I continued to try and justify my actions until she stopped me.

Nodding, she replied, "I get it," before her touch left my face. I felt empty instantaneously. In defeat, I took the smallest peak at an angel with crushed dreams, all hope leaving her face as she walked away from me. If she walked away from my life, I would have died as melodramatic as it sounded. She was the only one who made me _feel_.

She quietly made her way across the floor, her bare feet leaving no trace as she carried herself away from me. She should. Don't. Go. Don't. I deserved it. She deserved to leave. I couldn't handle her leaving.

"Bella, can we just talk about this?" I begged, my heart on the edge of failure from heartbreak._ Had I truly pushed her that far away?_

When she had no immediate reaction, I cringed in mentally. I had used those words just a few weeks earlier, yet I hadn't carried through. _Habit._

My mom would have been disappointed…

"Why?"

Why. The simple word why had more meaning than anything. Why should she continue to deal with me? Why?

"You didn't want to talk earlier," she stated.

Sadly, those words were the truth. She had gone through so much to give me one night, to give us one night, and I had screwed up. I had made our first 'date' in months fail, especially with all the effort she had put in.

"I got caught up, I told you," I reasoned, trying to convince her to forgive and forget.

"With what?"

She spun around and turned to face me, her eyes fearless and boring into mine, acting like daggers cutting through my defences. I couldn't tell her. I had to tell her.

_Guilt._

My breath caught as panic and adrenaline flooded my body. I started wondering about my health as my heart pumped faster, each attempt at breathing failing.

She was getting closer to the truth. _Did she know?_

"Research," I choked barely able to breath, attempting to sound believable.

By the way her eyes squinted slightly and her one extra breath, I knew she had not fallen for my trap. She had turned away _again_.

Trying a new approach, the approach only the lowlifes would try, I attempted seduction. It was my last resort.

"Bella," I whispered, making my voice slightly deeper as I walked up towards her, nuzzling the back of her delicious neck as I pressed a gentle kiss on her cheek, my lips tingling.

I ran my mouth against the base of her collarbone, feeling tremors flow through my body as the love and lust made their appearance. I hoped she would believe my next words. I fully intended on making them come to life.

"It won't happen again. I promise," I continued, stressing the promise.

Her tense body became more relaxed, from what I had felt, as her breathing returned to normal. "I'm sorry for shouting at you."

She had no reason to be sorry. She should have shouted at me. She forgave me. I had nothing to forgive.

I chuckled quietly, in no hurry to break the romantic atmosphere that soon emerged. I kissed her jaw tenderly, enjoying the feel of my lips on her flushed skin. "Your anger was actually quite endearing."

"Oh? And why was that?"

Slowly, I turned her around in my arms, a crooked smile dancing naturally on my face. I kissed the corner of her lips, smiling as I pulled her closer towards me, our lips meeting.

We stayed locked for a few moments, until suddenly she pulled away with a gasp.

"Edward. I'm supposed to be angry at you."

"Well, you're not very good at it."Smirking, I attempted to distract her from our conversation from before, running one of my fingers down her soft arm, delighted as goose bumps appeared. I never knew I had such an affect on her.

"We can't sort our arguments this way." _I know,_ I answered mentally.

"Why not?"

"Nothing ever gets solved."_ Good. You'd hate me if we solved it._

I tried distracting her again, spinning me around in her arms. I felt her breath catch, as I was tempted to whisper, _breath Bella. _"Some things are better left unsolved."

"Are you working late tomorrow?"

I could have lied. I could have prevented another argument or more tension. "Probably."

"And the next night?" she asked. I wished she would stop asking. Every answer I gave was brutally honest and unfair towards her.

"More than likely," I tried, unable to rephrase the answer correctly.

"See Edward?" she stated, tearing her hand from mine. The contact was something I had gotten used to, and as it tore away, I felt empty as I flexed my hand, unable to feel hers in mine. "We can't keep pretending that this," she gestured towards the space, "isn't happening."

We were drifting. I doubted she had stayed exactly the same as before we started college, most likely changing some of her opinions and such in life. I doubted I had stayed the same. I didn't know what had changed though.

Slowly, we became the stereotypical fall-out couple, unable to talk and communicate with each other.

"Bella, not tonight," I pleaded, enough guilt in my mind. I had messed up far too much to go back, and the only direction I had predicted seemed to be worse. There was no easy way out of the mistakes I had started. If only I had never started to practice medicine…

I wanted desperately for us to have one night together. I wanted one night we would be able to go to sleep, peaceful, after a session of making love with each other. I wanted us to have one time, one moment that we could just relish in the love we felt for one another.

Before I could think, the wishes that had not been fulfilled carried my mind towards the next actions. I thought less, allowing my instinct to take over as I crashed her lips to mine. Slowly, I eased us in, moving my lips with hers to relax her tense body.

We pulled away slowly, as she fingered my collar.

"Edward," she whispered, "What research were you doing?"

"Nothing of importance." _Except to confuse me even more…_

"Wrong answer," she mumbled, suddenly acerbic once more. I tried closing the distance, comforting her, anything to prevent her from being pissed at me once more. I brushed my thumb across her lips, which had turned into an automatic frown.

"Wrong answer?" I asked, already knowing the answer to my question.

"If it bore no real importance, then why did you miss our dinner?" she asked. I found no true justification for missing the dinner we had planned. I specifically remembered promising her that I would be on time if I worked. I had so many broken promises.

Sighing quietly, I mulled over the night. I had learned nothing about my major. I had only been confused more about life. I was not fit to be a physiatrist. That was for sure.

"Whatever I gained was useless. It leaves me even more confused than I was before," I rambled out loud.

"I think you just saved yourself." _I did?_

Looking at her face, I saw the sincerity as I beamed happily. In the moment, I scooped her feet up from the ground and pulled her into my arms. "I was hoping you would say that Miss Swan."

"I would appreciate it if you put me down… Mr. Cullen." My lips automatically curled up, dancing into a bright smile. When she said my name _that_ way…

"I'm tired from research," _but I'll always have time for you love_, "So would you be so kind as to join me?" I asked, looking down at the beauty in my arms.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" _Yes._

Bella was the most dangerous vixen in the world without knowing it. I wanted to have my way with her a good portion of my time, the other portion wishing for us to make love together.

"Why?" I asked, playing oblivious. I raised my eyebrows suggestively, smiling at the silly grin that threatened to break free on her face. "Are you seducible?"

"Possibly."

Instantly, I crashed my lips onto hers, feeling my mouth on her beautiful lips. I supported the angel in my arms, attacking her luscious, full lips.

I stumbled forward a few times, not wanting to drop her, as I put her onto the floor, all the while keeping my hands on her body. Bitterly, I realized I had wasted the perfect night with my damn research.

"I can't believe I was doing research when I could have been home with you," I muttered, gently kissing her neck and reaching for the top of her sweater. She was my home in every way.

Gently, she pulled my chin down towards her level and lifted my mouth towards her. I complied happily, leaning in and smelling her warm, scent. "Just make sure it doesn't happen again?"

I was the worst boyfriend in the world. I was the worst person at showing my love. I was the most selfish, spoiled, asshole in the universe.

Memories from the library threatened to enter my mind once more. _Guilt. Neglect. Love._

I would do my damn best to make every little wrong I had done to her better. I would do whatever it took to make her be mine, in every shape or form, and to be the gentleman I was raised to be.

I loved her like I had never done before, because after almost losing her, I wasn't going to let go of her unless she wanted me to.

I was going to keep my promise. In the future, I would have done no wrong except be faithful to her in every way. I would love every part of her beautiful soul.

I would give my heart to her once more, and hope she would give hers to mine.

"I promise."

And then, after saying those two words, I remembered the library, the anger, and the wrong I had done. I remembered the pure anguish I had blocked from my mind.

It was like a dangerous bomb, waiting to explode.

I was precariously close to breaking. I had to tell her. I needed to tell her for my sanity, for our love, and to be human. No human would have done anything as cruel and unjustified as I had.

I crushed her tight towards me, smelling the familiar scent of strawberries and freesias, nuzzling my face into the brown locks, enjoying the last happy memory I was guaranteed with her…

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**Black Oxygen Notes**

**BIK:** Second time winning the coin toss! Yes! If you're ready to kill someone, please make that whoever invented algebra.

**OAC:** That's why you give up maths BIK. It's a perfectly logical solution.

**BIK:** Not logic! But… fine. No comment.

**OAC:** You say no comment, but you're obviously commenting by saying no comment.

**BIK:** *grumbles* Smart cookie… but then again, everything you do is commenting whether out loud or not.

**OAC:** True, *reluctantly agrees that BIK is right*. I also need to say that I will TRY to make chapter 3 as long as BIK's chapter 2. It'll be hard, and I may not survive, but nonetheless, I will give it my all.

**BIK:** Yes! Review?

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**Reviews = Cookies**


	4. Epiphany of the Night

**Epiphany of the Night **

It was four thirty seven in the morning, and I couldn't sleep. It wasn't the rain keeping me up, or the constant creaking of the mattress.

It was more along the line of _fear_ keeping me up. Because despite his words and promises last night, we were drifting further and further apart with each day. The only hours which brought us together were during the night, and only then were we together, physically rather than emotional.

A part of me was beginning to realise that the embraces we shared in the dark would also eventually become meaningless. Nonexistent.

A part of me—that I had been trying to close the door on for the last few months—was overtaking and overpowering the small strands of optimism that I had left for our relationship.

I had vowed when we first began dating that as long as I trusted him, nothing would or ever could come between what we had. But now that the trust was gone... where did it leave us?

Through the white curtains that Edward had put up last summer, I could see the moon in the pitch black sky, and the moonlight illuminated his head on the pillow next to mine. He exhaled softly, his breath fanning across my fingers.

Gently, I reached across towards him and touched his cheek.

Just a simple gesture as this brought a rush of emotions spinning through me, and before I could even blink, a tear had formed in my eye.

I loved him. I always did.

But last night had been a defining moment for both of us. I would have been willing to drop all of my doubts for him and start planning for our future. But instead, he forgot. Just like now.

I wanted to know. _How did he forget that relationships need work? It's almost as if he forgets me during his day, and then I merely act as a reminder when he comes home._

I didn't want our love to seem like a struggle and a hassle, and yet that was what it seemed like at the moment.

Seeing him, asleep at peace, head nestled into the crook of my elbow, it was hard to mistrust the supposed 'love' that we shared. It wasn't that I didn't believe he loved me—he did, I knew it. But he'd been distracted by something else recently, and up until now I'd been complacent to believe that the answer was work.

I didn't want to feel like I had to question his actions. If there was something else though, some other distraction –I couldn't just let this drop. So I had to be suspicious of him. That definitely wasn't love.

"Bella," he whispered suddenly into my shirt, and instinctively his arms tightened around me. I was pulled closer against his body, and I relaxed into the slow rhythm of his chest rising and falling.

"Bella," he said again quietly, his voice full of contentment and peace.

"I'm right here," I murmured back to him as he clung onto me desperately. It seemed though he were afraid I would disappear.

At the sound of my voice, he relaxed into the pillows, the corner of his lips curling upwards into a warm, lazy smile. It was one of his true ones; one that I had missed. I smiled back tightly, unable to simply relax like he had done, because to me, the only time when we truly loved each other, was when we were asleep.

Only then could we hold each other without feeling the constant worry of what tomorrow could bring.

"Why are you staring at me?" he whispered quietly, his voice rough and grating, as his eyelids opened slowly. He raised a hand tentatively towards me, before he moved the lock of hair away from my face and pushed it behind my ear.

My cheeks flushed red, and I smiled weakly back in reply. "No reason."

He cocked his head, his gaze travelling over the dark circles under my eyes and my pale, washed out complexion. "Didn't you sleep?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

I leaned into his hand that was still close to my face, and I pressed a kiss into the centre of his palm. "I couldn't."

His fingers brushed across my lips, his eyebrows still set forward in anxiety. "What kept you up?" he breathed, raising his eyes almost guiltily to meet my gaze.

I didn't reply; we both knew the answer. He sat up slowly, his hands reaching out towards me as he pulled me into his arms. Holding me close on our bed, I rested my head against his chest, not wanting to start the conversation that would destroy this moment.

"I am _so _sorry about yesterday," he murmured gently as he pressed his cheek against the top of my head. "Any other date Bella, I'll be there, I _promise_."

I closed my eyes tightly as my hands fisted around his shirt. "What do your promises even mean Edward?" I whispered, regretting every single word.

He kissed my shoulder gently, and then repeated his words. "I promise I'll be there."

"How can I tru—" I stopped myself sharply before I could finish my question.

"Bella," he pulled back quickly, his voice losing the sultry quietness and turning colder. "Do you _trust _me?"

Now, he was questioning me. "You don't have a right to ask me that."

I pushed his arm away from mine, realising that the moment had just been building up over the months to this. We no longer had our mornings together, and it wouldn't be too long before our nights together disappeared too.

His hand reached out towards me, yearning for the comfort and warmth we both found together, but I pushed it away. This time, it wouldn't be solved physically.

"I am _so _sorry for what I did Bella. I just... lost track of the time, and the work kept piling up, and before I knew it, the office was shutting up." He closed his eyes and leant his forehead against my arm. "This isn't what I _want_. But we both knew when I started training that things wouldn't be easy."

"I _did _know that," I ran my fingers through his hair gently. "I just didn't expect it to completely take over our lives."

He raised his gaze slowly to mine, his eyes full of the guilt and anguish that he wouldn't... or couldn't say out loud.

"I want to be with you," I whispered, knowing that these were fated to be the final words of our relationship. But his lips covered mine before I could continue.

"I want to be with you too!" he breathed fiercely as he pulled away. "We aren't ready to end yet Bella," his hands clasped my face tightly. "Please... give me another chance."

"How many chances can I give you Edward?" I asked him, my voice strained. "How many is _enough_?"

"Just one more; please Bella."

"Do you want me to trust you?" I asked quietly, and he raised his eyes suddenly – and hopefully – to meet mine.

"Of course I do."

"Then tell me something."

"Anything. Please."

"Last night you... _hesitated_, where I asked you where you'd been." I closed my eyes quickly; unable to look at him anymore—his expression, ridden with guilt, would have only answered the lingering question in the back of my mind. "I don't want to question you, or be suspicious of you... I just want to know the truth."

The silence between us acted as the final nail in the coffin.

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**Black Oxygen Notes**

OAC: Seeing as I won the coin toss, I get to be announce the list of apologies and excuses that I have lined up. The wait for this chapter is entirely my fault - literally. And seeing as it's BIK's turn next, I can guarantee that you won't be waiting this long for chapter 5!

BIK: Actually, no guarantees! Just expect a long chapter, as an apology. I'll be busy with a few new one-shots, so be on the lookout.

OAC: I for one can't wait! And I also want to say good luck to everyone doing NaNoWriMo out there this month. I'm participating, so add me as a writing buddy if you're trying to conquer the 50k word count! (I'm not that hard to find)

BIK: I've been a shitty reviewer too, but I'm going to try to reply as much as possible. Well, enough of our rambling. Give us your thoughts please? It only takes a second, or as long as you want.

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**Reviews = Cookies**


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